Punjab, Sept. 9 -- People often experience the thinning of their friendships in their thirties as a personal failure. It is mostly structural.
What actually changed
School and college supplied the three conditions research consistently associates with forming close friendships: repeated unplanned contact, shared context, and unstructured time together. Adult life removes all three at roughly the same moment.
Work supplies proximity but rarely the unstructured part. Marriage, children, relocation and long commutes each remove hours from the same limited pool.
Why it feels like drifting
Because nothing dramatic happens. Friendships that ended in a conflict are easy to explain. Friendships that faded because two people stopped being in th...