India, May 12 -- I met Kabir just a month before I was due to send this manuscript to the publishers. The editor, much like me, was keen that I try to include a male perspective. I kept looking and waiting for it to come my way. This difficulty felt incidental initially, but soon, it became clear to me that it was structural. In a society where we equate masculinity with strength and control, men don't find space to talk about being hurt within intimate relationships.

Kabir was in his early forties when we spoke, highly educated, articulate, and professionally successful. He was tall, dusky, well built, and had short curly hair that covered part of his forehead. He hailed from an upper-middle-class urban family, where education, civility...