Nepal, May 31 -- In the Great Hall of the People in Beijing, US President Donald Trump sat beneath the grand hall's famous gigantic chandelier to endure.and enjoy a state banquet hosted by Chinese President Xi Jinping on May 14.

The menu was calibrated with the clinical precision of a trade tariff and the unsubtle theatricality of a Puccini opera. The Chinese kitchen offered a diplomatic bribe of crispy beef ribs to satisfy Trump's famously carnivorous, 'well-done' instincts.

These sat alongside Beijing roast duck, lacquered to a "mahogany sheen that would make a luthier jealous," and a supporting cast of lobster in tomato soup, pan-fried pork buns, and mustard-glazed salmon, as reported by the New York Times.

Dessert was a confusingly...