South Africa, Sept. 10 -- The first question invites a general check. You'll be told you've picked up a virus, which is true but almost useless, because it doesn't distinguish between three conditions that look nearly identical from the outside yet call for completely different responses: who you can safely be around, what you should take, and whether this will clear up on its own or needs watching.

The second question prompts your doctor to look for something specific, using an instrument built for the purpose. A swab. A named test. It finds only what it was designed to find, which is why the question you ask determines the answer you get.

Now, treat your campaign as the patient.

One body, two verdicts

I've spent a long time now look...