US, Sept. 22 -- Ernest was so excited when he heard the news that he couldn't resist calling his wife, Jolene. He didn't want to wait until she returned home from her job at the bakery.

"I told you not to call me at work unless it's important," she said.

"This is important," Ernest said. "Did you hear what President Trump says he'll do if Republicans keep hold of Congress in November?"

"Lower grocery prices?"

"No, even better than that."

"Lower the price of gas?"

"No, even better than that."

"Lower the number of naps he takes?"

"Come on, honey, be serious."

"I give up. What's our beloved leader going to do for us?"

Ernest ignored the sarcasm in her voice. "He's going to give everyone five thousand dollars!"

"Really? Everyone g...