India, Feb. 14 -- It has been heartening to see, dear readers, that the last column, on building a relationship with the self, resonated as much as the others.

A common question I got asked was: What are the steps I can take to meet this goal.

One reader made a particularly evocative point. "In the end you say, 'Be honest about what you want,'" she wrote. "But what if I don't know what that is?"

Many of us - I would venture to say most of us - spend years not knowing what that is. Many will live their whole lives never articulating or attempting to find it.

I would like to dwell this week on why that is, and discuss a few simple steps that can begin the journey of fixing it.

I believe there are two reasons most of us find it difficul...