DAR ES SALAAM, Aug. 9 -- GOOD morning, dear reader, and welcome to another Sunday, which, as tradition now demands in this beloved country of ours, must begin with either a hangover or a WhatsApp forward you have already seen four times.

Or, in this particular week, both at once.

Kindly pour your tea, sit comfortably and let us walk through the events of the past fortnight together, because frankly somebody needs to explain what on earth just happened.

Let us start where the whole countrys attention actually was, because pretending otherwise would be dishonest.

Simba Day and Yanga Day arrived back-to-back, and for forty-eight straight hours, Tanzania transformed itself into two rival kingdoms.

Streets turned red. Streets turned green...