United Kingdom, Oct. 3 -- Simon Cowell's fiancee Lauren Silverman felt "ashamed and embarrassed" by their affair.

The 48-year-old socialite - who has adopted the music mogul's surname - fell pregnant with the Britain's Got Talent judge's son Eric, now 12, while still married to Andrew Silverman and she admitted she allowed herself to be "defined" by the backlash to their relationship.

Speaking to The Sun's Fabulous magazine, Lauren - who also has 20-year-old Adam with her ex-husband - said: "I felt ashamed and embarrassed, like I had a scarlet letter on my chest.

"For a long time I struggled a lot with it. I get why people had that opinion of me. I would feel exactly the same way if I was looking in as an outsider.

"I'm not trying to ...